A little experiment

It's been a few days and a few drinks since my last post.  Yep, I said it a few drinks.  I made it to 7 days and then got too comfortable I guess.  We spent the day at the beach Saturday and I ended up having two beers while I was there.  Well, since I had already blown my non-drinking streak later that night I killed (okay except for about 1/2 of a glass) a bottle of red wine.  I have to admit, it was a nice buzz.  It was mellow, nothing crazy, no blackouts, no arguements, just a Saturday night on a family vacation with a buzz.  Seems so normal.  I also had a drink on Sunday.  I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things and also grabbed some Kahlua and Vodka.  I made one drink on Sunday night.  I enjoyed it.  It is like dessert.  I didn't really want another one.  I mean I could have had one, but I didn't have a strong tug to have one.  I just enjoyed what I had like one might enjoy a bowl of ice cream in the evening...right, just like ice cream...I don't think so...

I guess this brings me to my next step.  I am thinking maybe about moderation.  I feel like lately I am obsessed with drinking/not drinking/alcoholics and any info pertaining to those topics.  It is taking over and I feel like it is causing me to hyper focus on the issue.  I am going to try to let it go a bit and just for the most part not drink.  I will allow an occasional drink on maybe 1 or 2 evenings or maybe a drink out with friends, but I just want to stop dwelling on it all the time and see if I can find a normal headspace about it.   I understand it could be a big mistake, but it is one I am willing to make right now. 

I will treat it like eating healthy.  If I do it correctly 90% of the time then I am okay with it.  I know when I am making a healthy choice and when I am not.  I just have to stay connected to the side of my brain that recognizes when the choice isn't healthy.  I have to tune out the other side.  Plus, when I am eating right and only occasionally drinking I tend to lose weight.  Hopefully my vanity will pipe up too and tip the scale in favor of healthy choices.

So, that's where I am right now.  I am not saying no to alcohol.  I am saying yes to healthy living (and crossing my fingers!)