Planning ahead

So, I made it through yesterday without drinking.  Actually, I was so tired from my daughter's party the night before that it really didn't seem like any big deal to not drink.  Sometimes it is like that.  Sometimes I am not in the mood, of course these "sometimes" moments are few and far between.  I think that it is these moments that have tricked me in to thinking that maybe my drinking pattern is more normal than I think.  I mean if I don't drink every night and I don't get drunk every night then I must be normal, right.  Oh wait, the fact that I even think about my drinking patterns this much - or that I actually have "drinking patterns", well, that kind of says it all right there.

I have had days where I start to feel like crap at work - getting a cold or overtired or whatever.  All day at work all I can think of is that I am just going to go home, tell the fam I don't feel well and then go lay down.  Oh that'll be so nice, but then I think "WAIT! If I go home and announce that I don't feel well and go lay down then I won't be able to get up later and have a drink, better fake feeling better just in case I want to drink."  What??? What did I just say, did I really type that? Dear Lord I did and worse - it has happened on more than one occasion.  Who the hell fakes feeling better so the option of booze is in the picture later??  Oh right, me. 

These are the things I need to start to reconcile with myself.  These are the things that if I stop and review make really realize that my drinking is not normal.  These are the things that I push to the back of my mind at 6pm when I am making my first drink.  The voice in my head that says it is normal to have a drink after work is much louder than the one in my head that says it is not normal to start thinking about that drink while at work.

So, here's to a sober Friday night.  White knuckling it all the way baby!