Sometimes I feel like even if I do fall off the wagon at least I drank less this week or even month than I would have if I had not even tried. I feel like that counts for something doesn't it? But then I think about how many days have I rebooted my diet and exercise program. How many "I'm going to eat healthy, no more crap - Day 1's" have I had? Yet here I sit 20, almost 25 pounds over my goal weight. So, if sporadically starting a healthy eating plan is not leading to weight loss, then probably sporadically stopping drink is probably not leading to big gains in solving my abnormal drinking behaviors. Don't get me wrong - any day without alcohol is a better day for my physical being then a day with alcohol. My liver thanks me for any reprieve, but in all honesty a fits and starts approach is not going to really solve the issue.
Yesterday was a perfect, non-drinking day. I went to work as usual, but then after work I went Stand Up Paddling with friends. I started paddling a couple of year ago. We have been doing it casually over the past couple of years, but it seems like this year we (my hubs and I) have gotten more serious about it. It is very calming, but still challenging and can be a good workout if you want it to be. Anyway, it was a friend of mine's birthday and she'd been wanting to try it so we kind of threw the word out to see if anyone else wanted to join. A group of 9 of us went out for about 1 1/2 hours and just leisurely paddled and talked and hung out. So relaxing and nice. Afterwards we went to pizza. I immediatly told my hubs that he could have a few beers and I would drive home. Everyone at the table then ordered beers and I ordered a cranberry tonic. It was easy to explain that I was avoiding alcohol to cut calories. Since my group of friends is all athletes this went over without question. We had a great dinner and I drove us home. We got home around 10 and I was beat so I went to bed and had a great night of sleep.
The alternate ending for this evening if I had been drinking would have likely been - I would have had 2 beers with dinner, come home at 10 made a white russian and sat on the couch and tried to read or watch tv. Then I would grab some pita chips (need something not sweet to balance out the sweet drink), worked on my drink and probably fallen asleep on the couch. My husband would go to bed without me, somewhat annoyed. I would wake up on the couch between 2 and 4, stumble to bed for some very unsettled, unrestful sleep until 5:30 or 6:30 (depending on if I had my workout class that day). I would then drag my tired and probably hungover butt out of bed by promising myself that I could come home and go straight to sleep right after work.
So, choice A really seemd to work for me. Plus I probably saved myself an extra 1100 - 1300 calories in booze and snack foods. I didn't miss the booze last night. I know I will probably miss it soon, but so far I feel more like Good Riddance!
Showing posts with label Day 3 sober. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Day 3 sober. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Information Overload
I am overloading my senses with recovery information. I have been listening to The Bubble Hour podcast, I have been reading other blogs and I have been checking in on Booze Free Brigade. It's weird - I am obsessed with recovery right now. I think deep down I am still looking for that something that tells me that I really don't have a problem with drinking. Something that says -
If you drink 5-6 nights a week most weeks, think about drinking during the day, feel like a vacation or hell even a weekend is a reason for drinking and getting a good solid buzz. If your sleep sucks and you wake up nightly around 3 am when the booze wears off. If you have a booze gut. If you are annoyed when you have to do something in the evening because it means you can't have a drink. If you meet all of that criteria you probably DO NOT have an issue with alcohol.
Hahaha! I'll just keep on reading and keep on listening because I certainly haven't found that message yet!
Family getaway out of town this weekend - 4 days of mountain air, paddling, hiking, running and not drinking. Honestly, the "not drinking" portion puts a damper on the rest of it for me. I hate that it does, but its true.
I am actually not in the mood to write much today - feeling a little tired, pissy and woe is me. I think I'll eat this cheesecake brownie, drink my water and just deal. whoopee.
If you drink 5-6 nights a week most weeks, think about drinking during the day, feel like a vacation or hell even a weekend is a reason for drinking and getting a good solid buzz. If your sleep sucks and you wake up nightly around 3 am when the booze wears off. If you have a booze gut. If you are annoyed when you have to do something in the evening because it means you can't have a drink. If you meet all of that criteria you probably DO NOT have an issue with alcohol.
Hahaha! I'll just keep on reading and keep on listening because I certainly haven't found that message yet!
Family getaway out of town this weekend - 4 days of mountain air, paddling, hiking, running and not drinking. Honestly, the "not drinking" portion puts a damper on the rest of it for me. I hate that it does, but its true.
I am actually not in the mood to write much today - feeling a little tired, pissy and woe is me. I think I'll eat this cheesecake brownie, drink my water and just deal. whoopee.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Cupcakes, Sushi and Sarcasm
Damn good thing I was out of vodka at the house last night! I sure hope that these early days are harder then the later days. Day 1 was okay, Day 2 between 6-8pm was a bit of a nail biter. It was such a weird, almost out of body experience.
So, here's the fascinating recap of my evening. I know - you thought I'd never get to it, but I had to let the excitement build. Oh, in case you hadn't noticed, English is my second language - Sarcasm being my first. Yep, so, here goes. I spent all day with an achey neck, headache and just feeling like maybe I was coming down with something. It didn't help that I didn't have my first cup of coffee until 11am. After work I gathered the children from their various summer hang outs and headed home. I was so tired I just couldn't handle it. I should have been making dinner, straightening the house, packing for my weekend away and maybe a few hundred other things, (PLUS, I had been kind of thinking of a drink. I know! wtf? it had only been 1 day) but all I could was think about sleeping, so I did. I took a nap for about an hour. It was weird, don't get me wrong, I am used to passing out on the couch, but not sober in the early evening. When I got up I decided I wasn't cooking dinner. My oldest asked for sushi for and my youngest would live on mac and cheese if he could - so I took the easy way and ran out to get both. Aha! My opportunity to remedy this whole problem of not having vodka at home. I can't tell you how many times I have needed to "stop at the store" to pick up something and "oh, while I was there I remembered we were out of vodka (again) so I went ahead got that too." I got the sushi and the macaroni and cheese and came home. Okay, I got a 4 pack of cupcakes too, but seriously, I am not beating myself up about that right now.
It seems as though I rarely win the battle at the store in regards to whether I should restock the booze or not. I KNOW if I don't have it I won't drink it, but it is seriously an arguement going on in my brain. Sometimes the one side is sneaky "you should just buy it so you have it, you don't have to drink it tonight, just restock the liquor cabinet" and I fall for it and of course and 99% of the time end up having a drink or two that night. Damn! So, last night I resisted, I white-knuckled, I just said no, I focused. Whatever I did, I didn't buy the booze and guess what? I survived an evening with our liquor cabinet being understocked. I know - who'd a thunk it? I feel good about it today, proud even. I also feel like maybe right now it is willpower more than anything and if I exercise my willpower it will get stronger. I need to look at last night as an example, and hopefully there will be other nights to use as examples as well. I need to remind myself that making the decision to not drink will yield positive results.
I have recognized for a while that my drinking is not normal. I CAN drink socially and normally. I do not get drunk everytime, or even most times really. It's just that in addition to social/group settings I also drink at home in the evenings sometimes by myself, sometimes with my husband. I know it and have made attempts in the past to modify it. I would just like to stop for now and feel my life without the booze in it.
This is a much longer post and a lot more "diary-like" than I anticipated. I just thought I'd type up a few witty quips about not drinking last night and how awesome I am feeling about it and hit Post. This would totally impress the imaginary readers in my mind. However, it seems the more I type the more I am looking inward and the more I realize it is pretty fucking deep and dark in there. I will keep posting and keep looking inward and see what happens.
So, here's the fascinating recap of my evening. I know - you thought I'd never get to it, but I had to let the excitement build. Oh, in case you hadn't noticed, English is my second language - Sarcasm being my first. Yep, so, here goes. I spent all day with an achey neck, headache and just feeling like maybe I was coming down with something. It didn't help that I didn't have my first cup of coffee until 11am. After work I gathered the children from their various summer hang outs and headed home. I was so tired I just couldn't handle it. I should have been making dinner, straightening the house, packing for my weekend away and maybe a few hundred other things, (PLUS, I had been kind of thinking of a drink. I know! wtf? it had only been 1 day) but all I could was think about sleeping, so I did. I took a nap for about an hour. It was weird, don't get me wrong, I am used to passing out on the couch, but not sober in the early evening. When I got up I decided I wasn't cooking dinner. My oldest asked for sushi for and my youngest would live on mac and cheese if he could - so I took the easy way and ran out to get both. Aha! My opportunity to remedy this whole problem of not having vodka at home. I can't tell you how many times I have needed to "stop at the store" to pick up something and "oh, while I was there I remembered we were out of vodka (again) so I went ahead got that too." I got the sushi and the macaroni and cheese and came home. Okay, I got a 4 pack of cupcakes too, but seriously, I am not beating myself up about that right now.
It seems as though I rarely win the battle at the store in regards to whether I should restock the booze or not. I KNOW if I don't have it I won't drink it, but it is seriously an arguement going on in my brain. Sometimes the one side is sneaky "you should just buy it so you have it, you don't have to drink it tonight, just restock the liquor cabinet" and I fall for it and of course and 99% of the time end up having a drink or two that night. Damn! So, last night I resisted, I white-knuckled, I just said no, I focused. Whatever I did, I didn't buy the booze and guess what? I survived an evening with our liquor cabinet being understocked. I know - who'd a thunk it? I feel good about it today, proud even. I also feel like maybe right now it is willpower more than anything and if I exercise my willpower it will get stronger. I need to look at last night as an example, and hopefully there will be other nights to use as examples as well. I need to remind myself that making the decision to not drink will yield positive results.
I have recognized for a while that my drinking is not normal. I CAN drink socially and normally. I do not get drunk everytime, or even most times really. It's just that in addition to social/group settings I also drink at home in the evenings sometimes by myself, sometimes with my husband. I know it and have made attempts in the past to modify it. I would just like to stop for now and feel my life without the booze in it.
This is a much longer post and a lot more "diary-like" than I anticipated. I just thought I'd type up a few witty quips about not drinking last night and how awesome I am feeling about it and hit Post. This would totally impress the imaginary readers in my mind. However, it seems the more I type the more I am looking inward and the more I realize it is pretty fucking deep and dark in there. I will keep posting and keep looking inward and see what happens.
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